Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Me Versus Me..

I was a total bitch to my coach yesterday. She sent me my race plan for Sunday, and I immediately wrote back some childish response about the race taking me 16 days to complete. There was no excuse for my temper tantrum, and I spent a lot of my run yesterday thinking about where that response even came from.

Social media is fascinating to me; it can be such a wonderful platform for so many things, but can also be a place of "hey - look at me!". As an athlete, my Facebook and Twitter feeds are often filled with reports of how many hours people swam/biked/ran, at what pace/how many watts/wearing a Superman cape, etc. Its so damn hard not to compare yourself to what everyone else is doing, even when you know it's not possible that so many people are training 65 hours a week while juggling 86 children, 3 jobs, and no baby-sitters. Ever.

This journey to Ironman is one that I chose to take for my own reasons. I chose a coach who I fully believe will get me to that starting line healthy, happy, and ready to slay the Ironman dragon. I have put in a ton of work, and the confidence in myself grows each week. There is no room for me to be worrying about what everyone else is doing, how everyone else is training, or at what races other people are peaking.

All of this "noise", ironically, was at the root of my meltdown yesterday. "What if it takes me XX hours to finish this race? What will so and so think of me if it takes me 9 hours to ride my bike 56 miles? Will I be a total loser if I run a XX half marathon? Why am I not faster?" And it left with me with a choice - choose to follow the race plan, trust my coach (and myself!), and execute my own race, or spend the next 4 days  (and the entire race) worrying about what "everyone" will think of my if I don't finish in under XX hours.  I will never be the fastest athlete out there (spoiler alert: I'm not winning Sunday!), but I train and race with my heart, and this sport is something I absolutely love adore.

I made my choice - I have spent the past 5 months ensuring all of my "life buckets" are equally full. When I'm with Caitlyn, she gets 100%. Family and friends - I make phone calls, and make the time. I'm fortunate that I love my job, and when I'm there, they get 100%.  And when I get in that pool, on my bike, or in my running shoes, I give 100%. It's a way that I have chosen to live my life, and I rarely compare my day to day life to anyone else's. In which case, why the hell would I care to compare my training/race times to anyone else?

On Sunday, I am going to follow that race plan as close to the letter as I can. I'm going to smile often, and make it a point to give out as many "thank yous" to the volunteers that I can. I'm going to be thankful that I have the opportunity to race, and be proud of this journey that I have chosen.

While being a bitch to your coach is never a great idea, that moment gave me the huge kick in the pants reminder I needed. It's me versus me, and nobody else.

"Courage starts with showing up, and letting ourselves be seen."
-Brene Brown


  1. I've struggled with the ups and downs of social media and the comparison trap. It's such a fine line with being happier happier happiest, eating the cleanest, crushing ALL workouts, etc. But in the end, it really just is you vs you. You've worked hard for this - wishing you so much luck!

  2. Always in your corner and rooting for you! Sending ya'll good race vibes this weekend :)

  3. This is such a great post. Seriously! So on point.
    Best of luck at your race. I will be cheering you on!

  4. We've already texted about your post, but I just want to reiterate here, your focus, strength and drive are so motivation, friend. you inspire me. and you remind me to also not fall into the comparison trap, as HARD as it sometimes is. kill that half ironman this weekend, friend, I'll be there in spirit xoxo

  5. Such an honest post, I love it! I gave up trying to compare myself to others since I'm surrounded by kick ass athletes that I know I'll never be. There is still a little healthy competition between me and my friends when we actually find ourselves signing up for the same races, but it's all for fun. We are not paid for this. If we cannot enjoy the process, the little victories, the silly medals, even if we had an awful day out there, then it's not worth wasting so much sweat, literally. I can't wait to see you embracing every moment of this Ironman weekend. Don't worry, race happy!

  6. This is a great post, and I am sure many of your readers relate! You have to turn off the noise of what others are doing, or just always remember that you are NOT them! I love how you are owning what you are doing, and putting trust in your coach to help you be successful.

  7. Love this post, Meaghan! We all have those exact thoughts… "comparison is the thief of joy" runs through my head all.the.time. Race YOUR race, have fun and enjoy every mile, girl! Cheering for you!